she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
