My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
