you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
