I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
