I met the friendliest cop last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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