It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
