I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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