Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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