True but thats because hes a fetus.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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