Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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