there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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