It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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