there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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