he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
