I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
