Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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