just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
