I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
