i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
