This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
