I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize