Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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