so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
