So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
