ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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