just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My underwear smells like fireworks.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
