I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
