Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
