Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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