Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
