Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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