I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
