Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
