Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
