i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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