i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
