i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
