I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
