dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
