He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
