We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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