I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
