my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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