I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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