Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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