I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
