put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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