I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no you cant smoke seaweed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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