it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
