I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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