Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
