Will you blow on my dice?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize