I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
