Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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