Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
