Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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