i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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