i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
