Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
