I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
