I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
