I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
