god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
