The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
