He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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