Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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