This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
