I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
