I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
