I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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