I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
