bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
