So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
