I feel great
I just peed on a car
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Found the puke drawer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
