Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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