You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
