When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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