Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
