If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
