dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
