so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
