I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
