Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize