i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
