i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize