I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
