does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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