I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
