I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
