Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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