my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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