I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
