I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
